Friday, February 10, 2012

Weekend Reflection: SIDS

A baby lost is like reflections in the mirror, yes, you had him/her. Then he/she is gone.

My son has a beautiful head.


My poem for Megan today.
It is Christopher's 26 birthday.
Megan's heart is far from celebrating and cooking a storm,
Christopher won't be surfing,
Christopher won't be windsurfing.
Megan and Christopher never walked on a beach as mum and son.
Megan wants no expensive flowers.
Because a horrible thing called SIDS took Christopher away.

Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) is the unexpected, sudden death of a child under age 1 in which an autopsy does not show an explainable cause of death. Symptoms: Almost all SIDS deaths occur without any warning or symptom.

My friend Megan issued an online invitation to everyone to remember her son Christopher.

SIDS is such a horrible thing, one moment your child is here, another moment, he is gone, there is no chance to say good bye. SIDS became real to me when this couple who worked with me came and asked for time of. Their grand son had died. Their daughter had taken him for a usual baby check up, then went to a cafe for a coffee. She came home and left him to sleep on her bed. The next thing when she checked, he had died. Some cruel people pointed fingers at her that she should have gone straight home from the doctor to give the baby a rest instead of gallivanting and going for that cup of coffee.

Then I met Megan, she lost 2 and she told me how cautious after losing the first one. She had apnea monitors and she never left her babies out of sight. Imagine how stressful it was.

Just this week, I met another mum, with a more cruel story.

Babying Fashion change. When I had my oldest 27 years ago in a White man's country, they told me not to sleep my baby on her back. That will cause her to choke when she vomitted. Besides, she would get the "Asian" head that had plagued my life. My hair dressers always teased me, it was impossible to style my hair.

My husband wasn't keen on the idea of our babies sleeping on the stomach, so he devised pillows and supported them on the front and back. They slept on their sides. My kids have beautifully rounded head.

I came back in 2006 to New Zealand, I see the babies now have "Asian" heads. Flat like a wash board just like me. Mums told me that the current doctors' advice is infants younger than 1 year old should be placed on their backs to sleep — never face-down on their stomachs.

I do not want to give any answers. But I do know one thing, when you lost a baby, it is going to hurt, and hurt it will for a mighty long time. Because I lost one, though not to SIDS, but to Campomelic displiasia.



Anonymous said...

I was always told that because I had lost a child to SIDS, it never hit the same family twice. I thought I was safe. I got my little boy, Alex, through infancy, and he had been ok. I thought that the monitor was only for MY peace of mind. I thought, it won't happen to me again. It can't. Well, it did. SIDS does not care if you have already lost a baby to SIDS. SIDS, it doesn't care if you already had your heart ripped apart. SIDS can strike anyone. Anywhere, any race, colour or creed. Any economic field. Anyone. It doesn't care. And there are NO answers. :(

Unknown said...

My heart goes out to all who lose a child ... in any way. It is heart breaking for me to read of the loss of a child, period.
SIDS is truly cruel because it affords no answers to the parents.

Prayers lifting always for those wee ones that have joined the angels.

Have a beautiful day ~

rainfield61 said...

A Chinese boy and an Indian barber.

It looks like one of those barbershops in Malaysia.

Scriptor Senex said...

As I have mentioned before, we lost a baby, David, to SIDS twenty six years ago and while it no longer hurts they way it does initially it still hurts.
Our second child (my fourth - I have two lovely girls by a previous marriage)had a monitor and whilst we would laugh and joke about it we were terrified that we would lose him and even now I worry about him (he's 24!) in a way that I don't worry about the girls and yet I love them all equally. SIDS has so many side effects on the family and they last a lifetime.

I loved your comment - "A baby lost is like reflections in the mirror, yes, you had him/her. Then he/she is gone." I'd like to mention it on my blog some time - probably the anniversary of his death, February 20th.

Scriptor Senex said...

I should have mentioned that I not only took some time to follow up Megan's invitation and remember Christopher but Megan herself also featured in my thoughts.
It was a lovely post, Ann.

Lew said...

My heart goes out to Megan and Christopher. Losing a child is a terrible thing!

As for the lines over the creek, they are a suspension bridge. You can see it better in this post http://lewsotherpics.blogspot.com/2010/06/my-world-festival-of-arts.html

Al said...

I can't imagine losing a child, and my heart goes out to you and anybody else who has been through that. It happened to one of my friends (a babysitter accident) and it was the worst of the too-many funerals I've been to.

Hootin Anni said...

My...what a ton of sadness this loss of life would be. I am filled with tears reading your post Ann. And your friend has all my thoughts and prayers that from this day forward the family will live with sweet memories. They have an angel watching over them now... as they try to put the pieces together and get questions answered as to why...why their child? Why them. I can only say that God gives them courage to go on and live a full life in memory and help others who suffer. Sometimes, even with a tragic loss, ...like SIDS, we grow stronger for it after the weakened days ahead grow less. My heartfelt sympathies.

Melbourne Australia Photos said...

It's always hard to cope with the loss of a family member, Ann. However, it is almost unbearable for a parent to lose a child. I can understand how all of the people you describe and you feel this loss...
A sad, but beautiful post!

TexWisGirl said...

so glad you can offer support to your friend. such a loss...

genie said...

Through your tragic loss, you have become a voice for those who left us way before their time and for the parents of those children. I think of you often, and think all that you do is so meaningful and important. Your friends will never recover from their losses just as you won’t, but you will move one even if it is one tiny baby step after the other. Time is said to heal wounds, but there are some so bad time is unable to do the impossible. I have never heard of the Aisan head...wonder if I have one. One of my grandsons did have a VERY flat head on the back and had to wear a helmet 24 hours a day to force it to grow properly. Take care and have a nice week. genie

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